Let Your Voice Be Heard

This week I had block for a quick second. I wondered what I should write about in my Friday post. This feeling felt all too familiar - for I had lost my voice in my life before - or so I thought. You see....when Chris was playing baseball my life was about him & his career. I was young, I didn't have an identity, I didn't have a voice. It wasn't that I wasn't happy - but I'd say I wasn't living my best life. My faith & upbringing have always grounded me & taught me to treat others with respect & love. But love was missing inside - self-love. Self-love & independence.

For years I struggled with this - how do I maintain a life where my significant other is the center of attention & still have an identity of my own? How do I turn off my ambition to accomplish & travel around the country living his life? 

Until I realized, this was all a mantra I kept questioning & telling myself & believing. I needed to unlearn this habit of "questioning" self-talk & turn to something I could control - my mindset, actions, energy, & love. I wasn't going to change Chris - his success, habits or values. But I could stay true to my own & let them be apparent to others. That would be my voice. 

I made a decision on that day that my self-talk, my mantra, wouldn't fall outside of my circle of influence - and it would always be positive. Recognizing what I thought was losing my voice, was actually finding my soul. And it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. 

Self-awareness was in full effect. I remember it clearly. You may be thinking - you were living the life of a girlfriend in baseball....how bad could it be? To this, I will say - everyone in this world needs to have a voice and to know themselves at their core. Everyone should be valued and respected. When I felt lost in life and identified through my boyfriend (at the time) it wasn't a good feeling. If anyone follows personality tests or Myers-Briggs, I'm an INFJ. Every day of my life is lived with purpose and in pursuit of a MASTER mission. It's who I am and who I've always been. My brain is just wired that way. The day was a turning point for me because the first step to making a change is realizing a change is needed.  

P.S. "Speak and open up your mind. It's something you should do all the time. Keep exploring. Seek and find. You know you might surprise yourself." Go listen to Surprise Yourself by @JackGarratt